A short read to understand the model: 2 minutes. The assessment: 3 minutes.
Example: your partner says or does something that really triggers you.
And your state shifts before you even know what's happening.
The first is your state. That's this line.
An easy way to see it: water has three states. When you're triggered, your state moves like that too.
A wall goes up. Impenetrable. You shut down, or you distance.
The opposite. You lose your own shape. You try to fix or get upset. Either way your emotions get tangled up with hers.
The middle. You stay in contact. Steady, without shutting down and without getting tangled up.
The second thing: your head picks up a story. "We're not okay."
One version is "They're not good enough."
You see all the ways their flaws keep you stuck.
The other version is "I'm not good enough."
This one usually runs under the surface. You cannot fix it, so you pull in and go into stone.
Your state and story together make four quadrants.
The one you default to becomes your core strategy.
Core strategy: ANGER. You heat up and get angry.
Core strategy: CONTEMPT. You get superior and condescending.
Core strategy: WITHDRAW. You go quiet, heavy, and pull into yourself.
Core strategy: CONFORM. You lose your own shape and go along to stay connected.
Then there's Water. Responding from the center.
You don't distance, you don't get entangled. You stay present, connected, and grounded, even when things are hard.
We all have the capacity to react in all four ways. But we each have a default we go to most often.
The assessment shows you yours. 25 statements. About three minutes.